so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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