I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
