Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
