please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
