I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
