I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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