so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
