The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
