How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
