my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
