the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
