Porn is love you can see.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
