i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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