ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
