I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
