Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
ok first of all what the fuck
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
