apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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