my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
