I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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