woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
