It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
