Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
