If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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