I think my vagina is haunted
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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