I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
