Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
