I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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