I want to stick my p in your. b.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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