Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
