The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
