i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
