I want to make a zoo with you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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