just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
