I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
