Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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