she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
