She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
