No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Quick, to the slutcave!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
