I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
