Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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