Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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