im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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