Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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