apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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