Midget sex pt 2 tonight
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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