I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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