Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
