Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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