We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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