The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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