Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
