Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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