The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
